I’m still here.

I applaud the people that have a direction, a clear path, found their purpose and begun chasing these endeavors as a life plan. I have no idea. I know I am in school, working a cool full time job, one hell of a dog-mom, and that I consume more hummus than the average person should. Recently, all the attention has been directed to what my future plans will be, who my future holds, and where I want to end up. But how can you know exactly where you want to end up without even considering all the different ways to get there?

There’s been a lot on my mind and honestly life is overwhelming right now. Over the course of one or five margaritas I can conclude that I have 5 maybe 7 future career opportunities, 17 different ideal dog children I want to have, and that I really just want the trend of butterfly hair clips to come back in style. Let’s not forget the inevitable question everyone asks about your “love life” in the future. EW. Why does everything have to revolve around ‘love’ or what we have so graciously twisted ‘likes’, ‘RT’s, or the almighty ‘DM slide”. IT IS ALL SO STUPID YET WE LET IT DETERMINE OUR SELF WORTH.

Let’s also talk about how confusing we make things in relationships. Not just intimate relationships but friendships, relatives, significant others, and even just strangers. We don’t say what we mean, or mean what we say. Half the time someone wants something, but don’t say it. Or they agree to something they don’t whole heartedly want. We are all actually just making everything a shit show of complications that could all be avoided if we just said what was on our minds and not drag things out to save face or please someone else.

I am just so frustrated to be honest. Mostly due to the amount of self-induced stress I put on myself for things that probably won’t matter in years, but matter to me now. Also, because I don’t understand why I am not out living on an island, eating fruit and tacos 24/7, with a sun goddess glow about my skin. I thin k everyone is a little frustrated. We are at such different points in our life where one half is ready to settle down, build a future, and love without limits. The other half is raging until the break of dawn, let’s blow money on things we don’t need, and mentally out in space somewhere. And balancing the two, or deciding when to move on, is so frustrating. It’s scary, new, and what if things don’t go as planned?

I know that I battle with this on a regular basis. Mostly because I want to get my life together and have a sense of hominess in my chaos, but also because taking the beer challenge at 8PM on a Wednesday night sounds like a good idea too. Balance is SO hard and so necessary at this point in life. Because I need affection mixed with adventure and Taco Tuesdays. Maybe I will figure it out in the next few months when I gain a better sense of who I am or where I want to end up, or maybe I’ll just be a blast and a half for the rest of my immature, mildly responsible, dog-mom life.

Anyways, this is just an update on my life because I have been majorly slacking here lately. Stay tuned for some decisions being made to come, or not. If the latter, stay tuned for some average at best, quarter life crisis perspective.


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